Going out in style

For anyone born between 1961 and 1969 you have to admit, Michael Jackson was a part of the progress of us growing up. I am not saying anything about his personal lifestyle or choices he made, we all make bad decisions and I am not going to judge MJ for anything he did, said or was accused of doing. Why? Simple. It is not my place to judge anyone until I am perfect (maybe by Tuesday) and until then I am just not going to go there. But my point is this: MJ was an icon to us as we saw his transformation through the years. His music was always inspiring and ahead of it’s time production-wise. He wrote about family, love, peace, and many other things that surely stand for some of our morals today. I saw his movie “This is it” and I was amazed. I personally only own 2 albums he ever produced, but I was early to see “Zombieland” and sat in MJ’s movie for the last half. What struck me utterly between the eyes, was how humble he was, how brilliant he was musically and how his whole body, not just his voice, was a musical instrument. He could move his hands alone and look cool. I thrust and plop my body all over the place trying to dance and just end up looking somewhat similar to Jello being jiggled then thrown against a wall. Michael felt his music like no one else I have ever seen.

But his attitude toward the other team members (dancers, singers and technicians) was incredible. I mean it’s Michael Jackson for crying out loud…he could have any attitude he wanted and nobody could stop him. I have seen movie and music stars FAR less accomplished than he was try to bully their way around and DEMAND respect rather than try to earn it with their own respect of those around them. MJ was kind, appreciative, inspiring and open to suggestions all the way through. Never did he say “Do it my way or else…” but rather he made suggestions, and then was open to feedback.

Whether you stand on this side or that side of the fence when it comes to MJ, I for one was saddened at the end of the movie that we have lost a musical genius who was a part of my life since I was a child. I am glad his music will go on for a long time and maybe more people will come to know his music in time.

"Quick To The Flame"

Quick to the flame while the shadow still lingers,
seen flickering about near a warm glow of amber.
Swaying through time with great mesmerization
We’re drawn to its brilliance and calm emanation

Then comes a draft, or a drop, or a fall,
And swift as an arrow the glimmer grows small.
Quick to the flame before it fails to be light!
Say grace, say peace, then tell it good night.

Now shrouded in darkness these walls we despise
But wait! We still see it, if we just close our eyes.
The warmth is familiar and its glow feels like home,
Though the flame may be absent, we’re never alone.

Mo West  1957-2010

The grass over there.

Don’t you hate it when you have a genuine feeling about something that is really personal to you and very deep rooted, only to hear some simple quip that squashes your validation for how you feel? I have never met anyone who was happy with who they were, how they were, or why they were. Sure it is one thing to have a crooked nose like me and wish it was straight, or legs like tree stumps and wish they were skinny. But it is a little disconcerting when a drop-dead gorgeous model goes on national tv and says she’s not happy with her butt. Or some genius teenager who has a college degree at 18 wishes he could swim. Whether it is a physical characteristic, personality trait or mental capability, we all seem to find someone else who has something we want. So why does a girl with incredibly curly blonde hair wish she had long straight black hair? And the curious thing is…the dark-haired girl envy’s the blonde. Why can’t we be happy and appreciate what we have and who we are? Why does our human nature tell us we need to “be” anyone other than who we are?

I have seen people of all ages and all possible economic statuses and all imaginable body types all say “Boy, If I only I had their legs/house/hair/brain/wife/eyes/job/parents/heritage/etc etc… And I am standing there in amazement as I think to myself, “Wow…you got it all…why in the world would you want for ANYTHING else!?” It’s got to be tiring incessantly chasing the “grass” someone else is enjoying. And my, how foolish we look to someone else who sees us and says “Why would they want for anything more?”

Ho-Ho-Cha-Ching!

When I think about Christmas, I have many feelings about many aspects of this very commercialized religious holiday…see? There’s one feeling right there! I fear that we have strayed so far from what the day actually celebrates that it has all becomes about presents and parties. But the cool thing is…I see Christmas as a time of the year when for one 24 hour period, we are all the same. At least from a little kids view anyway.

It doesn’t matter your skin color, your age, your beliefs, your social status, your wealth, whether you are in a split home, whether you were good or bad, or even if you are ugly. Santa is coming to see you! I have experienced Christmas in several countries, and it is awesome to see the difference in culture and style of celebration and yet, the kids are all the same…AMAZED, JOYOUS, THANKFUL, and HOPEFUL.

Despite the commercialization of the day, it still remains a day of incredible equality and happiness. Everyone tries to drive a little kinder, talk a little nicer, and act a little more friendly…even to strangers! What a great example and reminder for all of us to realize the way we should act the other 364 days of the year. True, exchanging presents for all those days might lose some of the anxiety, but is it really true then, too much of a good thing is bad? Well, maybe not in this case. Maybe if we just “acted” like it was Christmas, it would be a much happier unified world.

Winter wonderland or frozen torment?

I love snow. Who doesn’t…right? Oh, the people who have to plow their driveways every morning before they can go to work…ok…oh, the people who it takes 10 times longer to drive anywhere…ok…oh, the people who get snowed in their homes and can’t leave for weeks?
Oh well, for us in the South where we get about 4 inches of snow annually (if we’re lucky) it is a treat to see the white fluffy flakes now and again. I especially love how the snow insulates the noise pollution of the cars and general ambience of the outside. It seems so quiet and that you can hear the screams of playing kids a mile away as they make a snowman as best as they can remember how. It also seems like snow brings a calming to everything. People drive slower, walk slower, stay inside and sit by the fire with their loved ones and just spend quality time in a way that gets overlooked with “normal’ life above 32° and in the sunlit streets of hustle and bustle. But as a kid, when they announced school was closed due to snow…it was like Valentine’s day, Halloween, President’s day, leap year and Christmas all rolled in to one amazingly incredible day. I could have gone all day without resting, food or insulation. Losing a toe to frost bite would have been just a cool way to remember the day of freedom and a lifetime’s worth of fun! So to you in the aforementioned group who deal with snow as an encumbrance, and lacking any exhilaration…I am sorry. We love it down here!

"Love and war...what's it for?"

There’s a little Seinfeld reference to you fellow aholics! Love is a curious and splendor thing. We start out very young learning that “love” is that goofy feeling you get when he/she passes you in the hall. Then we learn that “love” is the way a person looks at you and you feel like melting in your seat. Then we find out that touching a special someone or even better…having them touch us is sheer ecstasy. I won’t follow too much more the physical part of love…I will let you discover that on your own or have someone else tell you about that. But then we find that that physical love and being “in love” is really just a predecessor to the even truer of loves. I heard a phrase the other day “When you make love to a person, your body makes a commitment to them” That is why so many people confuse this physical love with a deeper love that our bodies were engineered to strive for. Loving someone when they are gross or rude or mean or even when you don’t really like the person. Any relationship will have it hills and valleys. Some days are diamonds, some are black chunks of coal. But it is the love that binds us through commitment that lasts. A physical love will pass within a few hours, but the love that holds people together for 60+ years, is something we should all strive to achieve. Will it be perfect and without conflict? Absolutely not! Will it be blissful evenings in each others arms by the fire? Not always! But it will be kind, forgiving, patient, long suffering…does this sound familiar? God knew what he was dong when he made us and exactly what our needs were going to be and how to deal with them. So read up on the elements of love and see how they describe you and your part of your relationship. Don’t worry about the other half of your relationship, you get yours right, and then they will learn from you!

So who's the turkey here?

Thanks-giving. I understand and fully appreciate what this North American holiday represents, and I never fail to partake in it’s bounty! But I just can’t help but think that while we were chowing down at Plymouth Plantation in 1621, there were scores of Native American Indians crying out in misery about the loss of their land and loss of life as the new man set foot on their land and began eradicating them.

Pass the sweet potatoes!
I find it ironic that we enjoy our freedom and liberties here in the USA based on the savage theft of land, life and liberty of the aboriginal inhabitants! How many people were forced in to Christianity staring at the end of a sword? How many people’s lives were spared only by conceding to leave their land and lives behind? Don’t get me wrong…I am all for missionary work and fighting for freedom…and I am glad we broke free from British Empire rule, but why must we threaten innocent people with their lives to accomplish our task?

More gravy anyone?
So with this model in mind…I guess it would be socially acceptable to ask someone for their hand in marriage at gun point? Or..I dunno…maybe deny old people health care to ensure a comfortable young life for others. Or I know…we could bomb a country over and over until they decide to be civil and not bomb other countries! Yeah , that’s the ticket!

Who wants desert?
So, yes…let’s be thankful. Let’s be thankful to the people we desecrated to enjoy our turkey and dressing. Let’s be thankful we invented the gun before they did..or I am sure we would all be sharing a very different day of “harvest”!

Here one minute...

I remember this day like it was yesterday…My son had decided to play football. He was just 8 yrs old and had never played before. We got all his pads and equipment together, I showed him which pad went where and he scurried off to his room to try it all on…he was so excited. About 20 minutes later, he sort of slumbered out of his room softly bumping in to the walls all the way down the hall. When he stepped in the living room, I couldn’t help but bust out laughing. He did in fact have the pads in the right places, but most of them were flipped upside down or backwards! Once we got everything straightened out, he said “I thought it felt pretty weird.” So began his football experience.

Well, last night, now a senior in high school, his team made it to the 2nd round playoffs for his division, but then lost by a very narrow margin. As I drove home from the game, I couldn’t help but think of that first time he had his pads on. Then I remembered driving him to practice, I coached his team 2 years in pee wee, all the advice I gave, games we endured during hot or cold times, and end of the season dinners. Now it is all over. No more “well next season we can try this…or that.” Last night was the last time my son will ever wear a football uniform again. That hits home, hard.

He has plans to go to college at West Point in 8 months and from where we live that is a long ways off. It is at least a plane trip and 2 days away. Plus in the military academy will not allow personal visits until Christmas. This is going to be a rough change. He is our only child and it seems like all the time we spent preparing…is over.

So as I see it now…every day is a step closer to the end. Every hour needs to be filled with a memory that will be cherished. I feel like we accidentally hit fast forward or something….one minute we were in line dropping him off at school and I got a hug and kiss…now he jumps in his car each morning and heads out, often times before I see him. So congratulations to me…I raised my son…now I want him back.

Addiction... or Attraction?

Now don't get me wrong. I know that addictions are an ugly multi headed beast with devastating destruction and an insatiable perpetuation. How do I know? I lived with my alcoholic sister for about 18 years. It was not fun. At all. I saw her go through some very sad and dark days. I saw her lose her identity, and her self-worth. I saw alcohol become her best friend, counselor and lover. They were not a good couple. It was only because she finally hit rock bottom one year that she got on a plane that night and left the state that she is alive today. And even now, we don't know what it was that scared her...nor do we ask her. She has done a perfect 180 and has now finished college (top of the class) got a great government job, and married for several years now. So that's a great end to that story, but unfortunately, most do not end that way.

But the thing I wanted to discuss is not addiction per se...but differentiating between addiction or attraction. According to Webster addiction is: the state of being enslaved to a habit or practice or to something that is psychologically or physically habit-forming to such an extent that its cessation causes severe trauma. Wow. That's some very serious and powerful words there! I hear of people confessing their sin of addiction to things all the time. Drugs, Sex, Alcohol, Porn, Food. etc. But then I wonder, are they really "addicted" or just attracted? If you smoke marijuana on the weekends or at parties, are you now "addicted". Personally I never got too far in to drugs. I always had more fun watching others make a fool of themselves. But my point is, just because something is wrong or illegal, does that make you an addict if you do it? If it is wrong for someone to look at pornography, and they look at it on their pc now and again, are they now addicts and have a problem with it? According to the definition of addiction, that would have to be one dedicated person to looking at porno to be enslaved to it at the risk of severe trauma!

I am not saying what is right or wrong here. I have my own convictions and know exactly where I stand on each issue, but I am wondering how many times people are confessing addictions that may not be full fledged addictions. Enjoying a meal and then worrying about if you gained weight as a result of the food you ate is something people do all the time. But I surely wouldn't call that an addiction. Now, if a person snuck downstairs at night to sneak food, or hide it in their car or drawer at work and risked "severe trauma" if they didn't have their food fix...well, that is a problem. But for someone who just enjoys eating and may eat too much...I am sorry ...but that cannot be an addiction in and of itself.

I think the Bible offers some very good lines of definition here. To put it very simply "ANYTHING to an excess is bad" including those things that may be considered GOOD. Exercise, hard work, vacations, going to church. If you do any of these to the point you are forming habits at the risk of "sever trauma" that can't be good! But does that mean my buddy Scott who looks forward to working out almost everyday is any less addicted to his workouts than someone who likes to go to the bar after work and have a beer or two. Why is one SO BAD and the other OK?
As for me. I will look at the things in my life I do and just make sure they are done in moderation. Now I am not saying it's ok to rob a bank once a week instead of daily, or to smoke crack only on weekends...I am saying the normal daily and legal things. I only ask that others not judge me as an addict because I am attracted to something. I hold myself plenty accountable for my actions and will govern them according to my morals and values. Thanks for understanding.

Never too late...

It was at the end of a long engagement that the day finally happened...no, not the wedding...but the point of no return! We had dated for 2 years, both graduated college and it just seemed natural and almost expected that we marry. So we got engaged, planned the wedding to the last detail..and then it hit me. Did I really want to marry her? Don't get me wrong, there was nothing "wrong" with her, but I just didn't feel the magic. I thought about saying something to someone...anyone..but then I just chalked it up to cold feet.

Then I met Carla. Carla was a gorgeous 24 yr old law student. We met by chance as I was selling door-to-door. We had an instant rapport and she was cute, fun and just the kind of girl I would ask out on a date in a heartbeat. BUT, I was engaged. It wasn't really CARLA herself that made me reconsider my plans...it was more like who she represented: a lot more Carlas! And if I felt this way about her, was I going to keep feeeling this way and regret my marriage decision? But then the day I mentioned came...it was now too late to change my mind. The invitations had arrived from the printer! My fiance' and I had mulled over the kind of cards they would be, the paper, the font, the wording...and now here they sat on my table. Printed. Done. I simply had no way out now.

So we married. I became great friends with Carla (secretly) although we were never romantic...though it crossed our minds more than once. Eventually, she moved and I moved on anyway. Then 5 years later, I divorced my wife. We didn't have knock-down drag out fights or even hardly disagree that much actually.  We were great friends, roommates and everything you would want in a great relationship...but we were not in love. We decided before we had kids or got too far, we would end it.

So how many times have you been at the point of no return? I am here to tell you that after having followed through with something, even when I felt it was wrong...don't do it! It always seems there are far more complexities LATER than BEFORE. I now believe there is a very fine line between cold feet and a second chance to rectify the situation. So be sure you are doing the right thing before you act. I look back and see times that I failed to reverse a decision based on very loose reasoning.

We are not martyrs doomed to live in a life of painful committments or confined freedoms. If you decide something...then do it.  But just make sure you are or are not doing it for the right reasons...what you FEEL in your heart. Although we can be misled easily by our emotions, sometimes they are just trying to tell us something! SO LISTEN UP! It is NEVER TOO LATE!